In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize