I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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