I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
