You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
