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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
