It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
