bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
