Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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