is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
