New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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