We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
