jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
