so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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