oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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