ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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