if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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