i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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