this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
