i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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