What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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