ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
