i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she looked like the before picture.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
