do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
