Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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