never play flip cup with pint glasses
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
