Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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