what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
