if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
