Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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