Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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