so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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