On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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