Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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