Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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