do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
