We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
