If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
