some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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