U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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