This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
