i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
