i permit you to call me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
