i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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