my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
