I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
