i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize