i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
