last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize