my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
