so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
