i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
