oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
