my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
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