ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
