1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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