They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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