dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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