Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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