Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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