I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
