So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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