So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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