OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
