I hate your face
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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