She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
