I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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