peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
