OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
