Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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