If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
