nut hugger
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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