don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
