I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh god it's open bar.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
