Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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