Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
