Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
