my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
