I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
