Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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