I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
