So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
