Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
