I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
