Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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