The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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