how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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