He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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