He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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