we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
