we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
