We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
