who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
