I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
