what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
